Note: For a better experience, read this post while listening to ‘Enough For You’ by Olivia Rodrigo.
It’s 5 am and I can’t sleep anymore. I get up and put on my track pants. It is chilly outside but I would freeze than reminisce again. Who heals heartbreaks better than Rodrigo, right? I start with ‘Enough for You’.
I wore make-up when we dated
‘Cause I thought you’d like me more
If I looked like the other prom queens
I know that you loved before
Tried so hard to be everything that you like
Just for you to say you’re not the compliment type
How could you text me ‘Stunning DP’ after three weeks of no communication? How could you find such a vague way to re-enter and disrupt my whole life? How could you gather the courage of asking ‘If I have always been this pretty or did you miss it’? Why did you refuse to pay attention when I bled my heart out for you? WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO IGNORE ME WHEN I MADE MY WHOLE LIFE ABOUT YOU? Did you not hear yourself when you said I am not the complimenting type? Did we got lost in translation?
And I knew how you took your coffee
And your favorite songs by heart
I read all of your self-help books so you’d think that I was smart
Stupid, emotional, obsessive little me
I knew from the start this is exactly how you’d leave
Do you remember that one playlist I begged you to share with me so I can translate the true feelings of your heart? Why do you think I did it? Why do you think I secretly read all the tabbed pages of your novels? Do you know I HATEEEE coffee? Stupid, emotional, obsessive little me developed a habit of tolerating coffee only to be left with your distorted coffee rings.
You found someone more exciting
The next second, you were gone
And you left me there cryin’, wonderin’ what I did wrong
And you always say I’m never satisfied
But I don’t think that’s true
‘Cause all I ever wanted was to be enough for you
Yeah all I ever wanted was to be enough for you
It’s ironic, isn’t it? Just when you get excited about something, just when you start looking forward, thinking you could have a future the signs change and the wind starts blowing the other way. Everything is what it’s not supposed to be. Up is down, left is right, and you are lost. GOOODDDDDD! I hate you for giving up on me, on us. I hate you for hurting me. I hate you for leaving me. I hate you for walking away. I hate you for ruining everything we had. I hate you for making me trust you when all you decided was to break it. I hate you for making me love you so much. Mostly, I hate you for making me a fool.
And maybe I’m just not as interesting as the girls you had before
But God, you couldn’t have cared less about
Someone who loved you more
I’d say you broke my heart
But you broke much more than that
Now, I don’t want your sympathy
I just want myself back before
I remember you saying that I should dress up a certain way, buy makeup and whatnot. You found me inferior, but babe, Plastic melts. I was caught in a spiral of Jealously. I wasn’t the prettiest girl out there but trust me, I was the one with the prettiest heart out there. You didn’t just break my heart, you broke me. And I do miss all the ‘I love you more’ fights and the butterflies but I think I miss me the most.
Don’t you think I loved you too much
To be used and discarded?
Don’t you think I loved you too much
To think I deserve nothing?
But don’t tell me you’re sorry, boy
Feel sorry for yourself
‘Cause someday, I’ll be everything to somebody else
I want you to remember the moment you knew you loved me. The moment you said that my smile lights up your world, the moment you told me that I COULD be the prettiest person. Take it back. Take it all back because I am done, with you, with us. With actions that mean one thing and show others. With no time for me. With your lies. I see it now. If you genuinely wanted to give me your affection you wouldn’t have made me beg for it. I wouldn’t be struggling to breathe between sobs. All I did was try my best.
And they’ll think that I’m so exciting
And you’ll be the one who’s cryin’
Yeah, you always say I’m never satisfied
But I don’t think that’s true
You say I’m never satisfied
But that’s not me, it’s you
One day, you are going to see me holding hands with someone who took your chance. I probably won’t notice you because I’ll is too busy laughing at his stupid jokes. I will be living my teenage dream. And it’ll burn your heart seeing that smile on her face and realizing you are not the reason anymore. And it will finally hit you: it was me, it has always been me, I was your favorite crime.
Cause all I ever wanted was to be enough
But I don’t think anything could ever be enough
For you
You said I was too much, too hard to please. I was too Good 4 u anyway, and I hope you find someone less soon. My mistake was making you a priority when I was your second choice. You didn’t break me. I broke myself by believing in something that wasn’t real. You’ll find someone great but won’t find someone better.
