Before You Go

Note: For a better experience, read this post while listening to ‘Before you Go’ by Lewis Capaldi.

It’s 2am and I can’t seem to get you off my mind. I play that one playlist that hurts me the most because, at this point, I am just another person held together by a bunch of random lyrics.

I hit shuffle and guess which song starts playing. 

I fell by the wayside like everyone else
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you
But I was just kidding myself
Our every moment, I start to replace
‘Cause now that they’re gone
All I hear are the words that I needed to say
When you hurt under the surface
Like troubled water running cold
Well, time can heal but this won’t

So did you buy it? Did you buy it when I said that I’m done loving you and I hate you? Just because I had to be the bad guy and send you away doesn’t mean my love ever died for you. I chose the wrong way and that’s my fault because now that you are gone… I do hear all the RIGHT words I needed to say. I never knew I could be this cold. Are you okay? I know I hurt you to an extent you would have never imagined but you can heal from that, right? RIGHT??

So, before you go
Was there something I could’ve said to make your heart beat better?
If only I’d have known you had a storm to weather
So, before you go
Was there something I could’ve said to make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
So, before you go

I am sorry I left you crying. I am sorry I walked out of the door when you begged me not to. I am sorry I let you down the way I did. I honestly tried to make it okay for both of us, to say the right thing, but every word that I said only made you sob more. I had never seen you this weak. I was aware of the damage my actions were causing. I am sorry I made you feel this worthless. I know I was supposed to be your protector, not the one who destroys you. But tell me, was there anything I could have said to make it all stop hurting?

Was never the right time whenever you called
Went little by little by little until there was nothing at all
Our every moment, I start to replay
But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face
When you hurt under the surface
Like troubled water running cold
Well, time can heal but this won’t

That’s right, isn’t it? We died little by little. The relationship we both were clinging onto was already dead. Sitting in front of you, I did replay all our moments. Sunshiny and over the top, right? What happened to us? How did we reach this state? I do remember that look on your face, the one that screamed of heartbreak and betrayal. But you have to understand it wasn’t me who betrayed you, it was our love that backstabbed us. Because time can heal but us, we won’t. 

So, before you go
Was there something I could’ve said
To make your heart beat better?
If only I’d have known you had a storm to weather
So, before you go
Was there something I could’ve said
To make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
So, before you go

Tell me, if I would’ve held you tight, would it have prevented your head from going under? Was there something I could have said to make your heart beat better? We did learn our truths, just a little too late. This relationship was never in our fate. I wanted to be good enough for you, and I never thought we’d ever had to see this ending. But the damage was already done. The love left long before I left. 

Would we be better off by now
If I’d let my walls come down?
Maybe I guess we’ll never know
You know, you know

If I do let you peep into my heart, would you understand? Would my actions make more sense then? Will it be easier for you then? If we had cooperated just a little bit would it last forever, right? I guess we’ll never know.
You know. You know. 
So, Before You Go………………..