We were sitting on the bench together. The wind was rustling through the trees. It was a bleak day and it seemed as if it was about to rain. I missed our little moments. You were right beside me but it felt as if you were long gone. It’s been a while since we had a heartfelt conversation. I really don’t know what to say. I wanna fix this. I wanna fix us. I have never been egoistic and you know that. I am ready with 100 sorries but honestly, I don’t know what to apologize for. It feels like you are walking out. And I’m running out of reasons to make you stay. Where is my best friend? I look at you I no longer recognize you. I miss you and I am not ready to move on. I keep all of my secrets, happiness, and sadness with you. I still have those silly notes and letters we used to pass during lectures. Do you not even care? How can you not care? Don’t you miss our ‘you belong with me’ duets? Don’t you miss our endless gossips over coffee? Do you no longer miss our Netflix parties and movie marathons? Memories rushed back. Strawberry ice cream, endless dates, gaming tutorials, surprise gifts, and most of all, us. We mattered. We mattered as nothing else did. It was genuine, it was real, or it seemed like it. In my eyes, there was nothing better than us.
I look at him and he looks right back. Our eyes lock. The whole park was silent. The wind whistled. I didn’t know what to say. You smiled at me but I could see how painful it was and then looked away.
It pours down but we don’t move. Dancing and playing in the rain have always been our thing.
” Hey remember the time we used to buy coffee and dance and recreate that ‘Tum se hi’ moment whenever it rained?”, I say
” Why does it feel like you are reminiscing? I’m still here. We can do all those things again, can’t we?”, he replies
” But are you? Are you really here?”, I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand. In my tears, I could see the hours we spent giggling on the floor, in the apartment that we’ve had for as long as I could remember.
” I’m sorry. But I can’t. I can’t pretend any longer. I’m so sorry”, he whispers to me.
He gets up and passes me a smile. A REAL SMILE. I sent a fake one towards him. He turns around and continues walking. And this time, I don’t wait for him to turn around. I keep sitting there, pouring my heart out just like heaven is. I guess Taylor Swift was right when she said
” Bandage don’t fix bullet holes.”
